The Time-Traveling Job
by FictionMaker007
Summary: The team is back again for the adventure of a lifetime. Parker makes an unannounced journey to the US Patent Office and winds up in the future. Now the Leverage team is caught in a race with Serenity's crew against...Sterling AND Badger? Full of fun, humor, action, drama, romance, and adventure, I sure hope my story comes out as good as it sounds. (Eliot/? surprise ;)
1. R2D2

_Ha_, Parker thought as she lowered herself down with a cable, _this was _so_ easy!_

Parker (one of the world's most renown thieves) had broken into the United States Patent Office with one thing on her mind.

She reached the floor and detached the black rope, surveying her surroundings. She'd forgotten just how big the room was, seemingly endless shelves that reached the ceiling were stuffed full of prototypes. Ridiculous, half-baked, and defective inventions of every shape and size sat, collecting dust. The specific object she was looking for could be anywhere, not to mention she only had a vague description from Eliot to help her find it.

_This might be a little harder than I thought._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yo, Sophie?" Hardison asked, looking at his phone.

"What is it, Hardison?" Sophie replied.

"Have you heard from Parker, 'cause she's not answering her phone."

"No, no, I can't say I have. She might be with Nate and Eliot."

"Huh, maybe."

Hardison went back to frowning at his text history between him and Parker.

"We got the beer," Eliot grinned as he walked into the back room of Hardison's restaurant. "Where's Parker?" he asked after he'd looked around, "she's the one that loves movie night."

"I thought she was with you getting chocolate or something," Hardison responded.

"She might be out getting last minute presents," Nate offered.

The team was in Portland, Oregon and Nate and Sophie were there for their annual, weekly Christmas visit.

"Then why wouldn't she be answering my texts?" Hardison demanded.

Eliot moaned, "Are you saying we got to go look for Parker _now_? Maybe her phone died."

The hitter took a seat and opened a beer.

"She left here an hour or so ago and I'm tellin' you, she was up to something," Hardison said.

"Do one of your fancy GPS-tracking things and figure out where she is."

The hacker sighed, "You will _never_ understand what I do."

He left the room, mumbling to himself about hard work and disappearing thieves. The man went into his bedroom and seated himself at his wooden desk. Hardison opened his laptop, hooked up his phone, and attempted to get a location on his girlfriend.

"Her phone must be off," he mumbled to himself when nothing turned up. _Or her phone died, like Eliot said_, he thought but something in his gut told him his first theory was right.

On his hunch, he got up and walked over to Parker's bedroom. The hacker seated himself at her neat, prim desk and opened her laptop. He set up a firewall and emergency memory shredders for her in case someone tried to hack into it but he could easily bypass his own software. The first thing he did once he was in was take a look at her browser history. Interestingly enough, he found her days activity wiped clean.

"People never learn; this trick _never_ works. Now, what were you up to big mama?"

After a few minutes, he found that she'd looked up directions to…wait, this didn't make any sense. The hacker got up and re-entered the main room where the team held briefings.

"Uh, guys, I think Parker's pulling a heist or something," the words slipped out of his mouth before he realized how ridiculous it sounded.

"What? Parker wouldn't do that," Sophie said, puzzled.

"What'd you mean, a heist?" demanded Eliot.

"Well-er, see she turned her phone off-"

"I'm telling you, her phone just died."

"She deleted her browser history."

"What are you doing on her computer in the first place?"

"And she printed directions to-"

"Hey, uh, Hardison," interrupted Nate, "don't you think you're being a little paranoid? I mean, we all care about Parker but you're being a ah-"

"Fine, I get it," Hardison left the room in a huff.

Eliot rolled his eyes. In a few minutes, the hacker came back with his car keys and jacket.

"Hardison, where are you going?" Sophie asked gently.

"To the U.S Patent Office," he replied.

She looked bewildered, "Why on Earth are you going there?"

"That's where Parker's at."

Eliot almost choked on his beer, "What? How do you know?"

Hardison didn't even look at him when he answered, "That's the directions she looked up before she deleted her web history."

"Dammit, Hardison, why didn't you say so?"

"Since when did you care?"

The hitter got out of his chair and walked to the thief's bedroom.

"She keeps her stuff in her closet, right?"

"Yeah, but you shouldn't-"

Too late, Eliot was already reaching for the closet door. It swung open to reveal some sweaters hanging up and a few pair of shoes lined on the wood floor. To anyone else, it would seem as if nothing was missing but the hitter knew better. If nothing was missing from this girl's closet then she'd have climbing gear, lockpicks, a black hairnet, etc., neatly arranged to be grabbed in a moment's notice.

"Dammit, Parker," groaned Eliot.

"What is it?" Sophie asked, standing with the other two men in the doorway.

"I know what she's doing, and we gotta stop her before she gets herself killed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Ohh, a locked door, this looks promising,_ Parker approached a heavy steel door that looked more like a vault entrance.

She stroked the metallic entrance, admiring its advanced security. The thief quietly made note of the nine-digit keypad, thumbprint scanner, and heavy spokes she'd have to get past. Then, she set to work. Her hands snaked into her backpack, snatching a white cloth and a small container of black powder. She skillfully rubbed the powder over the fingerprint scanner, waited, then pressed down with the white cloth. The screen glowed green and Parker turned her attention to the keypad. She took her time, first applying one of her own concoctions to the buttons, shining an ultra-violet light over it, and scribbling the numbers that glowed on a small pad of paper. The thief assessed the options, debated what would trigger the alarm, pondered the password possibilities, and racked her brain to remember what she'd found in the building blueprints and diagrams of the security layout from their last job here. All she could recall was that this part of the building was supposed to be mostly empty. Someone wanted to keep whatever was behind this door a secret. Excited, Parker began figuring the possibilities for the password.

_Let's see, four digit password and one repeat, should be easy enough._

On her first try, however, she got an angry _beep_ and the screen directly above the keypad began counting down from two minutes.

Now_ things are exciting_, Parker thought happily.

Her fingers flew from button to button.

_One minute and thirty seconds, need to pick up the pace._

She flipped the page on her notepad and again set to her work feverishly.

_A minute ten, jeez, I hope I'm not losing my touch._

Parker completed a little less than a third of her written possibilities.

_Fifty seconds, FASTER, PARKER! FASTER! You're gonna get caught and arrested then Nate's gonna have to get you out of jail and you'll be in _so_ much trouble!_

The thief almost completed half of her written passcodes but she'd found her rhythm.

_Almost! Almost! Almost!_

Suddenly, the screen flashed green and the giant spokes began to turn automatically. Parker did an excited dance. The door swung open to reveal a few more floor-to-ceiling shelves with mysterious (and deadly) looking prototypes.

"Silver, black buttons, looks like R2-D2," she mumbled the vague description under her breath as she started down the aisle.

Parker scoured the shelves for the exact invention she was looking for. In a few minutes she found it. Just like Eliot had said, it did have a resemblance to the _Star Wars_ robot except the colors were different and it didn't have any wheels. Unable to resist, Parker began to fiddle with the pitch-black dials and buttons. Then the blue screen surrounded by the keypad she was prodding began to glow. Light shot out of it like lasers and started -was it-scanning her body?

"This is _so cool_!" squealed the theif. "Eliot! Come-"

She stopped herself, Eliot wasn't here, nor was Hardison, or Sophie, or Nate. She was alone.

** Transporting to previously used destination. Year 2517 A.D.**

"Wait! No!" Parker started but it was too late.

Three seconds later tendrils of smoke curled around the spot where the thief stood but there was no sign of her. The giant door slammed shut and the room was as still as if no one had entered it in years.


	2. Years Apart

Parker opened her eyes to find herself standing in some kind of cockpit. Nets secured stacked crates and she could see two more stories of plane was above her. At least, she _assumed_ it was a plane, though it was the second largest one she'd ever seen. She didn't see anyone and heard only the soothing hum of the engine. Before she could start to explore her environment, however, the thief could swear someone was sneaking up on her. Parker whirled around to find a gun in her face. At least, it _looked_ like a gun, but it made a high-pitched _whir_ and was a lot different than any other gun she'd ever come across. The man holding the gun was wearing a long, mud-brown coat and…suspenders? He stared at her with hard, unblinking eyes.

"Who are you and what the hell are you doing on my ship?" demanded the stranger.

"I, I-uh…uh," Parker stuttered.

He cocked his weapon, "I won't ask you again."

"Uh, Parker. Just Parker and I have no idea how I got here. It was an accident, really."

"So you're saying you just _happened_ to stumble into my boat and _accidentally_ started examining my cargo?"

"I didn't- wait…what do you mean _boat_?"

"Mal!" another male voice called. "Mal! We'll be landing in fifteen- woa."

A tall, muscular man with thick eyebrows emerged from the doorway.

"Who's this little lady? Another one of your _wives_?" the new guy asked.

"She-no, Jayne, this is-" Mal looked back to Parker expectantly.

"Parker," the thief glared at Jayne coldly. "_Just_, Parker."

The man gave Parker a visual massage. Jayne reminded her of a mark the team would take down. An arrogant bully and a playboy.

"Well, _Just_ Parker, you here for me?"

"No, I'm not," she snapped. "I got her by accident I was in the U.S Patent Office looking for the time machine and it was so cool-looking and I didn't think it would work and then there was a lot of lights and-"

Both men started talking at once.

"_Cái bù shì_!" Mal was saying. "_Kuángzhěde_!"

"_Gǒushǐ_," Jayne added. "Mal, this chick's gotta screw loose!"

_What language are they speaking_, she wondered

"She's telling the truth," a soft voice interjected.

The thief looked up to see a slender, long-haired girl in a dress and combat boots on the metallic bridge above them.

"No one asked you!" snarled Jayne.

Ignoring his comment, she got up and gracefully walked down the steps and joined the three people. She examined Parker closely, making the thief feel more uncomfortable than when Jayne was looking at her.

"You traveled such a long way. Farther than the distance between stars, yet, you came here in just seconds. It's up to you to bring us together and save you." Suddenly, she whirled on Mal accusingly. "She's telling the truth! You have to help her, and her friends! They need to go back home!"

"Simon! You're sister's goin' crazy again!" Jayne yelled.

"River," a soothing voice came from the same steel doorway Jayne entered. "River, come here."

Soon, a cute, smaller man with jet black hair joined them.

"Come on, River, let's go," he gently draped his arm around her. "Oh," he said, just noticing Parker. "Where did she…is she a new recruit? We've been in space for days and I've never seen her."

"She's not a new recruit," Mal began to explain.

"Space?" Parker demanded.

"Honestly, I don't know who she is-"

"Space?"

"We just kinda, found her."

"SPACE!"

"And I'm getting the notion to shoot her the next time she says 'space!'"

"What do you mean, space?"

"You're kidding, right?" the cute guy (er-Simon) raised his eyebrow.

"As in _outer_ space? Like, outside _Earth_? _That_ space?" Parker's throat went dry.

"Earth? No one's been on Earth for centuries now."

The men looked at her like she was asking if the moon was made of cheese. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to see for herself. Before anyone could blink, she bolted. The thief ran to the stairs River used and took them two or three at a time. Mal and Jayne pounded after her. They weren't as fast as her, but they knew where she was going.

"She's got no where to run in Inara's shuttle!" called Jayne as the thief opened a steel door.

Parker wasn't looking for an escape, she was looking for a window. The door led to a small room elaborately decorated with scarlet, orange, and gold tapestries and cloths.

"Mal, what did I tell you about barging-" the thief almost ran into the owner of the new voice: a pale, beautiful woman in a silk robe. "Oh…what?"

Ignoring the woman, Parker looked around desperately for a window. Just as the door swung open, she caught a glimpse of something behind one of the curtains. She ran to it and found that it led to another part of the room. It was some kind of control room with a large panel full of screens, buttons, knobs, and loose wires. Most important, was a large windshield directly above it. The thief leaned against it, looking out from all angles, desperately trying to get a glimpse of land. All she saw was a thick black cloud and glimpses of part of the ship. Suddenly, her arms were being wrenched behind her back.

"Tie her up," commanded Mal. "Shepards not here, so you can take her to his bedroom."

"With pleasure," Jayne grinned.

Mal sighed, "_Not_ like that, Jayne."

Parker didn't even try to walk, forcing her captor to half drag, half carry her to the other side of the ship.

"Come on," complained Jayne. "You're legs sure as hell ain't broke."

The thief said nothing and after she was bound to a chair in a cozy little bedroom, she cried. She went to extra lengths to be sure no one would find her and know she was a gazillion years in the future, trapped on a spaceship, and all alone.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Here it is," Eliot said, gesturing to a machine that looked suspiciously like a robot from _Star Wars_.

"Okay, what is it?" inquired Hardison.

The hitter gave an incomprehensible answer.

"A _what_?"

"A time machine."

The hacker did a face palm. "We are _trying_ to find Parker! Not go on a geeky goose chase!"

"Yeah, uh, Eliot," Nate said, "why did you bring us here?"

"Look," the man advanced to the machine. Then, he expertly pressed a series of buttons. "Nate, do you trust me?"

"Hold on, Eliot, what are you talking about? Trust you to do _what_ exactly?" inquired Nate.

"I just need you to trust me and just don't freak out. Okay?"

"Alright," the man answered hesitantly.

The hitter positioned Nate directly in front of the odd-looking machine and punched another button. Within moments, the mastermind had disappeared in an impressive flash of light.

"What the bloody hell was that!" screamed Sophie. "Where'd he go, Eliot?"

"If you stand there, I'll show you," the hitter gestured to the spot Nate originally stood.

"_NO_ thank-you! You're all just pulling some _stupid_ prank and I'm _done_ with it!"

"Dammit, Sophie! I'll send you right to him if you just stand there!"

In the midst of their argument, Hardison stood, open-mouthed. He stared where Nate once was, like if he looked hard enough, the man would come back.

"If you would just _listen _to me! I _know_ what I'm doin' Sophie! Nate trusted me and I-"

"Yeah, he did, now he's bloody _disintegrated_!"

"And I'm askin' you to do the same!" Eliot's voice was softer and more comforting when he added: "Please, just trust me."

The grifter was very distraught and finally nodded her head and squeezed her eyes shut as she took her place. In a similar burst of bright light, she was gone too. Only wisps of smoke remained. Then, the hitter turned to Hardison.

"Hardison-"

"Will this take me to Parker?" interrupted the hacker.

"Yes."

Hardison planted himself in front of the machine. "Let a rip."

"Age of the geek, I'll see you on the other side, man."

When the hacker was gone, Eliot jabbed the button one last time and quickly jumped in front of the ray of light before he too disappeared. As soon as he was gone, a sixth figure approached the time machine.

"What kind of trick is this?" the man murmured aloud.

He'd been looking for a chance to have a private conversation with Nate but instead found himself witnessing a break-in and a brilliant vanishing act. Taking a leap of faith, he mimicked Eliot's button-pressing combination and stood in front of the machine.

Once again there was silence in the vault with only wisps of smoke as evidence to the six successful time-travelers.


	3. New Friends

"**ELIOT! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE!"** Sophie screeched.

The people bustiling around them shot her dirty looks as they passed.

"Be quiet, Sophie," hissed Eliot, "let's just step inside a bar and I'll explain everything."

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME FOR A DRINK!"

"Sophie," it was Nate that spoke this time, "please, I'm just as bewildered as you are so let's just calm down and hear him out." He looked at Eliot as he said: "I'm sure we're all very interested in what he has to say."

They followed the hitter through a crowd of poorly-dressed people to the nearest bar (which wasn't much of a walk.) The whole way there, Hardison mumbled incomprehensible things about teleportation and _Punk'd_.

"Alright," began Eliot, "when I was working for…Moreau, I was on a job looking for a weapon in the U.S Patent Office. While I was there I found the time-machine." He looked around to see how his story was boding with the others.

The grifter looked ready to slap someone while Nate just stared intensely at him the way he studied a mark. This made the hitter look away and continue.

"I found myself right in the middle of a warzone-"

"Uh-huh, _then_ what happened," demanded Hardison.

"Then I ended up fighting side-by-side with the Browncoats."

"Yeah, then you won, went back home, and lived happily ever after."

"No," Eliot glared at the hacker, "actually, I came on scene during the end of the war, only fought for three months. Then we lost and I spent four more months scraping by with this sergeant on the rim and figuring out a way to get home. I chased legends, followed rumors, and looked up any nutshell that said anything about time-traveling. Finally, I found out the Alliance was hiding some time-traveling device on Bellerophon."

"Bella-what now?" Hardison asked.

"Bellerophon, Hardison, now will you quit interrupting me?"

"The hell's Bellerophon supposed to mean?"

"It's a planet, now will you shut up?"

"Ain't no planet _I_ ever heard of." Eliot growled. "Of _course_ you haven't 'cause this is in the damn future, Hardison!"

They quieted after the bartender gave them a suspicious glance. "Anyway, I barely made it out of their desert-base with the thing. Once I figured out how it worked, I went back and ended up a few miles south of the Patent Office on the same day I left."

"Uh-huh cool. Uh-first question: what the hell does this have to do with Parker? Second, where the hell are we really? Mars?"

"We're not on Mars, Hardison, and I already told you, Parker must've gone looking for time-machine."

"Where are we, Eliot?" Sophie asked quietly.

"We're on Persephone. You know that sergeant I was talking about? Well one way or another he makes a stop here so we can hitch a ride and find Parker."

"Alright fine, so where is your G.I Joe friend?" Hardison demanded.

For the first time since they arrived, Eliot grinned. "You're gonna love this."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "Is-is-is that a-uh…uh spaceship?" stuttered Hardison.

"Yep, how's that for your Star Trek?" the hitter smiled.

Nate and Sophie stood nearby, mouths agape. Then the mastermind cleared his throat, "Ah, Eliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Exactly how long is it gonna take to find your friend?"

"I dunno, it depends. We could be waiting a month or-oh, look, his ship's landing right there."

The three turned to see a ship with faded paint on the sides descend onto the ground below. Compared to some of the others they'd seen so far, this one looked like crap. Then they followed the hitter to _Serenity_. He approached a small, brunette, girl wearing greasy clothes and a big smile.

"Hey, there," Eliot began, "listen, I'm looking for-"

"Oh, sorry," interrupted the girl, "we're not taking on passengers right now."

"No, I'm not a hitchhiker, I'm a friend. See, I'm lookin' for a Malcolm Reynolds."

"Why? Does he owe ya money?"

"No, I'm just a friend."

"Sure you're not here to kill him?"

"That's not my intention."

"Well then, what's your name?"

"Eliot, Eliot Spencer."

"Alright, you hang on while I'll go find the Captain." The girl did a little hop/skip/walk into the mouth of the spaceship. A few minutes later, a man wearing a long coat and suspenders came out.

"Wǒ de tiān," the man said, clearly surprised. "I can't believe you're here!"

"Can't believe you're still alive, Mal," Eliot countered playfully and shook the man's hand.

"Uh-sorry to break up the little reunion," Hardison interrupted, "but we're here to find, Parker, remember?"

Mal didn't seem to notice the hacker. "Well, what a coincidence. You show up the day this crazy girl just appears on my ship and babbles about time-traveling."

"Did she say what her name was?" asked the hacker, stepping in-between Mal and Eliot.

"Who the hell are you?"

"He's a friend, Mal, can you just answer is question?" The hitter answered.

"Yeah," Mal turned back to Hardison.

"She was real picky about it too, sayin' she was _just_ Parker."

Before anyone could say anything, Hardison grabbed Mal's suspenders and began shouting: "WHERE IS SHE!?" Quickly, Eliot grabbed the hacker and threw him off before Mal punched him in the face. "WHERE IS SHE?! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER!?"

"Mal, meet Hardison, Parker's boyfriend," the hitter introduced.

"I don't give a yi da tuo da bian who he is." "Sarge, that girl's like a sister to me, we came here lookin' for her?"

"Mal, I just got done-uh- what's goin' on?" Jayne eyeballed the three men whose eyes were locked in a silent battle.

"Just give us Parker and we'll be out of your hair," Sophie said, stepping forward.

"Uh, Mal? Who the hell are all these people?"

"Jayne, show these people where our stowaway is," the captain commanded.

"But Mal-"

"Jayne, that's an order."

The muscular man trudged back into the ship, cussing in English and Chinese about following orders. Eliot released Hardison and they followed with Nate and Sophie closely behind and Mal bringing up the rear. When Jayne reached Shepard's room, he slid open the door and watched the new-comers suspiciously. Hardison rushed to his tear-streaked girlfriend with watery eyes.

"Oh my god, Parker, are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"Hardison," she choked when he removed the gag.

"How did you find me?"

"Look at me, Babe, look at me. I'll _always_ find you."

"You monsters!" Sophie accused.

"Look, lady," Mal growled, "I don't know who you are but your friend here-"

"Okay, I think we got off on the wrong foot," chuckled Eliot nervously, "so let's start over. Mal, this is Sophie, Nate, Hardison, and you met Parker. Guys, this is Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds."


	4. Sterling AND Badger

"Mal!" the pretty brunette called, "Mal! We have a bit of a situation!"

"What is it, Kaylee?" replied the Captain.

"It's Badger, he's waiting for you in the cargo room."

"Oh _juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan_. Will that _hwun don_ ever leave me alone?"

He followed Kaylee out of the room and Eliot, feeling uncomfortable leaving the others with Jayne, ushered the rest of the team to accompany him. Soon, there was a crowd of people in the cargo bay surrounding Badger.

"Where's your _go tsao de _men, Badger?" Jayne sneered.

"There must be some misunderstanding," Badger began, "I have no idea who this 'Badger' character is."

"Cut the-"

"Uh, Mal," Eliot barged in, "this isn't Badger."

"Of course he is! You tellin' me he's just another guy from your time that happens to look exactly like him?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Allow me to introduce myself," Not Badger began nervously, "the name's Sterling. James Sterling."

"Sterling, what are you doing here?" Nate demanded.

"I was following you," Sterling defended, "and, frankly, I've had enough of your cute 'time-traveling' prank and would like to talk business."

"This day just keeps getting' weirder and weirder," mumbled Jayne.

"You can say that again," Mal sighed.

"This day-"

"It was a rhetorical statement, Jayne."

"I knew that."

"Anyway," Sterling continued, "I'm done with _this_." He made dramatic hand gestures, "So I'll be off."

"Sterling, wait," warned Nate, "this is real, you shouldn't go off by yourself!"

The man continued walking down the dirt road.

"Eliot, you should go get him."

"Why?" demanded the hitter.

The mastermind thought for a moment before replying, "You're right. We should be more focused on how to get home."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Sterling wondered through the streets of Persephone until he ran into some burly-looking men.

"Hey, boss, thought you were inside already," one of the men said, looking directly at Sterling.

"Excuse me," replied James.

"Yeah," the other one said, "you have a meeting with a client today, remember?"

"Oh course," murmured Sterling, completely puzzled and unaware of what the hell he should do.

The two men stood aside and allowed him to pass into a sagging, shack-like structure. Inside wasn't much, rotting wooden beams held up the ceiling composed of scrap metal. It wasn't long before he stumbled into a room with a table and a handful of chairs that looked like a place where hobos would play poker, but that wasn't what disturbed Sterling. What was particularly intriguing was that the man sitting in one of the chairs was…._himself_!

"The hell's this then?" Other Sterling demanded. "I don't have time for any _yu bun duh_ tricks! Who the hell are you?"

"Could ask you the same question," said bewildered Sterling.

"The name's Badger, I suppose your name's Badger too?"

"No, though, you're not the first person to be mistake me for…." Sterling groped for the right wording.

Badger stood up and walked toward the man, "Have I gone mad?" he asked himself.

Sterling had no answer. He eyed Badger suspiciously as the look-alike poked him in the shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Making sure you were real. _Wuh de tyen, ah_, this is a messed up world I live in."

A feeling of dread washed over Sterling as he realized that Nate might've been telling the truth.

"What year is this?" James asked hesitantly.

"Oh, now that's-"

"I'll be able to explain everything as soon as I know what the year is."

"2517, you _chwen joo_."

While Badger inturupted with colorful language in different languages, Sterling began to explain that he was most likely a direct ancestor from the past.

"Well, do you have a more believable explanation besides I'm: ' full of _da bian hua_?" Sterling quoted one of Badger's most repetitive phrases.

The other man just kept mumbling: "Perfect, I'm running out of clients, and I have someone that looks like me telling a _kwong-juh duh_ story that he's from the past, and Mal _still_ won't answer my calls, and-"

The name _Mal_ caught his attention. Hadn't he seen Nate and his "team" on the man's ship? Maybe he could strike a deal….

"Say, Badger," James began, "those men outside, they work for you, correct?"

"Yes," he snapped. "Why?"

"How exactly expansive is your workforce?"

"How ex- I run the planet you _yu bun du chwen doo_!"

"Well, I know people in relation to this_ Mal_, and would be happy to help you strike a deal with him, for a price."

Badger's ears perked, "What'd you lookin' for?"

"As you can see, I don't belong here, nor do I want to be here. The deal's simple: I'll help you with Mal if you help me find a way back home."

The other man pretended to think, it was bad for business to appear to desperate.

"Alright, you got yourself a deal, Sterling. Now, here's what I need you to do…."

**CHINESE TRANSLATIONS:**

_juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan_ = this is a happy development

_hwun don_ = bastard

_go tsao de_ = dog-humping

_yu bun duh_ = stupid

_Wuh de tyen, ah_ = mother of God

_chwen joo_ = moron/idiot

_da bian hua_ = shit/talking of shit

_kwong-juh duh_ = nuts/crazy


	5. Computer Problems and Solutions

**A/N Just for the record, I hate Walsh's death with a passion and I debated having this take place after or before **_**Serenity**_**. I don't have the heart to have Walsh dead so you can thank me. Also, I'm SOOOOO sorry this took so long, I had no idea how to get all my thoughts on paper.**

"_Wuh de tyen, ah,_" Walsh moaned, "why do you hate me?"

The pilot worked feverishly with the wires beneath the console. He didn't even notice when she stepped into the room.

"You're doing it wrong," River commented.

"Ah!" Walsh jumped at the unexpected voice. Consequently, he smashed his head against the machinery. He rubbed his forehead, "Oh, hi River."

"I would fix it but that's not my job."

"That's great River, could you hold that thought?"

"You're needed in the cargo hold."

Then she turned on her heel and left just as quickly as she came. With a sigh, Walsh crawled out from underneath the console. The headed down the stairs and through the kitchen. In the cargo bay, he saw five new faces standing around Mal.

"I didn't want to lose it so I lent it to a friend," the captain was saying.

"Uh, what's going on?" asked Walsh.

"Oh, hey, Walsh," Mal turned to the pilot. "This here is Eliot Spencer and his gang." They stood awkwardly for a moment then Mal cleared his throat, "So, anyway, how soon can we take off?"

"I've checked and re-checked the wiring but I think there's something in the computer system itself. The autopilot and transmissions are a mess."

"Computer system?" Eliot mused, "well, Hardison here can fix anything with wires, right, Hardison?"

The hacker stood behind Parker, his arms draped over her shoulders. She leaned back into his chest as the two exchanged amorous glances every five seconds. Unfortunately, the still held some sore feelings over the whole "kidnapping Parker" thing.

The hitter turned so he faced Hardison. "Listen, man, we need them to get back home, alright?"

He didn't meet Eliot's eyes for a moment, then he turned to Walsh, "Yeah, I can try."

The pilot looked over to Mal who shrugged and said, "Give it your best shot."

Hardison reluctantly followed Walsh out of the cargo bay and into the cockpit. The hacker sat down in the chair and, with some help from Walsh, examined the mainframe.

"Dude, are these your dinosaurs?" asked Hardison.

"Yes," Walsh replied with dignity. "Why?"

"Nothing, just, people in the future are cooler than I thought."

Walsh's expression softened when the hacker set to work. "It's probably Bager," the pilot explained as Hardison typed. "He's been trying to talk with Mal for the past month but the captain's a little-"

"I got it," the hacker interrupted.

"You-you _did_?"

"Yeah, it was a pretty nasty bug, actually. You see, the virus disabled the code that lets the engine run. It's like when you're on your computer and control/alt/delete won't…" Hardison trailed off when the pilot was giving him a "what-are-you-talking-about" look.

"Right….so, I'll tell Mal we're all set," Walsh said.

The hacker mumbled something about being under appreciated even in the future and followed. Something bothered Hardison, the virus _was_ pretty complex and he was lucky the found it right away. This Badger dude must be pretty intense, but that didn't match up with Mal and Jayne's reaction when they thought Badger was on his ship.

_Maybe everyone in the future is a computer geek,_ he thought. Convinced by the theory, he joined the others in the cargo bay.

**Don't worry, plenty more to come. Translation(s) below:**

_Wuh de tyen, ah_


	6. Just a Little While Longer

**Well, just as promised, another chapter and (sorry) apparently Walsh is actually spelled **_**Wash**_**, sorry again.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Leverage nor Firefly, if I did the latter wouldn't have been cancelled and Wash wouldn't have died.**

"After our run-in with the Alliance I was afraid it wouldn't be safe and I figured you were either dead or not coming back…" the captain was saying as Walsh and Hardison walked in.

"Mal," growled Eliot, "_what_ did you do with it?"

He scratched the back of his head, "I, uh, gave it to a friend to look after."

The hitter sighed in frustration.

"It's in good hands and just a day or so away from here."

"Where?"

"Hera, just on the other side of the sun."

"Damnit Mal! We just got here, we don't have any money. How the hell are we supposed to get to Hera?"

The captain glanced around at his crew members that had gathered since the team's arrival. "Well, it's my fault you're not on your way by now, so it's only fair that I get you to Hera."

Immediately, there was arguing on both sides of the peanut gallery.

"_Mal_," complained Jayne, "we gotta find a job. Ever since Niska-"

"Can we please not bring that up," Wash interjected with a slight shudder.

"As much as I hate to say this," Zoe began, "Jayne's right."

"Hey!" he protested.

"Thanks, Zoe," the hitter replied sarcastically. "Am I the only one who remembers taking out that sniper before he put a bullet in your brain?"

"Depends, do _you_ remember me patching you up after that seeker nearly killed you?"

"Enough, Zoe," commanded the captain. "What I say goes. I didn't keep up my end of the bargain so instead, we'll be taking Eliot and his friends to Hera. Now, get ready for take off."

The crew reluctantly dispersed and the hitter snuck another at Mal's second-in-command. Her no nonsense walk and impeccable figure was incredibly distracting.

"Eliot," Sophie said, interrupting his thoughts, "I thought you said this bloke had the time machine."

"Sorry, Soph, but we're gonna be gone a little longer than planned," he answered. "In the meantime, we're just gonna have to make the best of it."

"We have an empty shuttle and Shepard's off doing shepard-y things so his room's also available," offered Mal. Then he turned to his pilot, "Wash, get this bird up in the air."

"Okay then," Wash dispersed with most of the other crew members.

"This should be fun," Kaylee murmured then louder, "so, you want the tour?"

"Sure," chirped Parker who was obviously feeling much more comfortable with Mal's crew now that hers had arrived.

Nate, Sophie, and Hardison reluctantly followed suit whereas Eliot hesitated a moment, wondering when Zoe got to be so hot.

"So you, Eliot, and Parker can share this room and Sophie and I will take the bunker," Nate said.

"Sure, hey, where _is_ Eliot?" inquired the hacker.

"Probably catching up with his war buddy," Sophie said, her voice with some disgust.

"We shouldn't be so hard on them," Parker commented.

"Wha?" Hardison's jaw practically fell off, "they _kidnapped_ you!"

"Well, it was my fault in the first place. Besides, Eliot trusts them and I trust Eliot."

The grifter looked away guiltily for a moment, "You're right, I'm just a bit frazzled from the whole time-travel thing."

"Some of them seem alright," admitted Nate.

"I'm hungry," announced the thief before she bounced out of the room. Hardison followed.

"Don't worry, Soph, will find our way home," comforted the mastermind.

Wash and Eliot laughed together in the cockpit.

"Are you serious?" demanded the hitter.

"Yes, they juggled goslings for _fun_."

They chuckled for another moment.

"Say," Eliot began, "do you know what's going on with Zoe?"

"What do you mean?" the pilot's hardened tone went undetected.

"Like, are she and Mal…?"

"_No_."

"Alright, good, just making sure they didn't close any gaps after the war. She's a damn good fighter and certainly improved the second time around."

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, we've all met the one that seems to get hotter every time you see 'em." The hitter gave Wash a knowing grin and sipped some kind of mead he found in the kitchen.

"That is my _wife_ you're talking about!"

Eliot choked on his drink. Wash's face reddened slightly.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Zoe!" the pilot called loudly as he left the cockpit, "are there any other attractive men you've fought in the war with?"

The hitter signed, "This day just keeps getting better.

A tall man in a suit watched the rickety ship fly off. "What happened to our land locked?" he asked his partner."

The other man-equally pale and wearing an identical suit-pulled out an expensive electronic device. "It was just disabled five minutes ago."

"None of them have the skills necessary to do so."

"The captain must have come in contact with a hacker."

"We must find where they make port next, before they disappear again."

"Yes, she will soon be ours."

**You guys are so patient and I'm sorry I'm one of those evil authors who makes you wait weeks before a new chapter. I'm trying so hard and I swear I will not abandon you nor do this again; I've learned my lesson.**


	7. Surprises

**I am back with a vengeance, I just got back from out of town but I'm leaving again later this week so I'm in a mad, desperate dash to finish this. Also, I'm afraid maybe I added too many elements to this story because cons/time travel/Alliance/Badger/Sterling stuff so I want to know if you think I bit off a little more than I can chew. **

The journey to Hera passed more or less peacefully, that is to say no one died.

With the Leverage team on the ship, Parker felt and acted much more comfortable with Serenity's crew members. She and Kaylee became close in a matter of minutes. Hardison, however, was still a little bitter about flying with the people who tied and gagged his girlfriend and tried to be within spitting distance of her nearly the entire time but often found himself being shooed away by the girl he was trying to protect.

Jayne, Simon, and Zoe were just as suspicious as Hardison. They kept a close eye on their new guests and cargo while Jayne often complained that with Nate on board, they'd run out of booze before they reached Hera. Simon was concerned there would be another Dobson-like episode on the ship and, although Zoe knew Eliot pretty well, her friendship didn't extend to the strangers on board no matter how much the hitter vouched for them.

In the day and a half it took to arrive at their destination, the Leverage team was used to sideways glances from some and warm grins from others. Of all the crew members, however, none bothered them as much as River and her silent patrols, watching eyes, and uncanny ability to say the creepiest things. Actually, the only two people on the ship who didn't seem disturbed by River was Simon because they're related and Parker because she seemed to appreciate knowing someone just as weird as herself.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Eliot turned out of the kitchen and into the cargo bay when he ran into River, again. It must've been the third or fourth time that day.

"Well, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were doing this on purpose." The hitter flashed her a lady-killing smile.

She stared up at him unblinking and replied, "You reek of testosterone, just like Jayne."

"Okaaaay then, excuse m-"

"NO!"

Eliot blinked, "Sorry, I just-"

"No, no, no, no, no, NO! Why? He'll just make things worse! You need to leave!"

At this point, the hitter had no idea who she was talking to or about. "No need for that," he began softly. "It's okay, I was just leaving."

"River? Are you alright?" Simon asked, turning into the cargo bay. His expression hardened the moment he laid eyes on Eliot. "River, what's going on?"

"I don't know," the hitter admitted uneasily. After his awkward encounter with Wash, he didn't want to piss off anyone else on the ship. "One minute we were having a friendly conversation and the next she was screaming about making things worse."

"Uh, huh."

"Eliot!" Nate called from the kitchen, "you're going to want to see this."

_Saved by the bell_, the hitter thought as he retreated hastily. "What is…oh."

"Looks like he snuck in here for a little midnight snack," the mastermind explained.

Eliot growled. "What do you want, Sterling?"

"What do I want? Hmm, what a question. I was thinking, oh well, I don't know, possibly a way to get back home!" His venom and volume increased with every word.

"And just where exactly did you think we were headed?" Nate demanded, matching the other man's sarcasm.

"I don't know, Nate, you _left_ me on some pigsty planet!"

"What's with all the shout….ing," Jayne walked in. "Aw hell, there's more of them. Mal! You better get your ass in here, there's a bit of a situation."

Word spread like the plague in the crowded ship about the stowaway and soon both the Leverage and Serenity crew was in the kitchen.

"Another mouth to feed and another ass to haul," Zoe commented from her corner of the room.

"Eliot," Mal said, "I'm doing my best to get you to Hera without any trouble but you're making this _really_ difficult."

"I know, and I'm grateful of what you're doing; I really am, but I swear, I had no idea Sterling was even here," the hitter responded.

The captain sighed, "Wash, how far to Hera?"

"Two hours, give or take," replied the pilot.

"Great, step on it. And you," Mal turned to Sterling, "better not cause any trouble on my ship, am I clear?"

"Crystal," The prideful man briefly replied with a slight pause.

"Better not be any more surprises, Eliot."

**XXXXXXXXX**

In about two hours (give or take) Serenity landed on Hera and Mal, Zoe, Eliot, and Nate were loading into the mule while Kaylee and Sophie were going to try to get their hands on more food. Originally, Simon and Kaylee were going to go but he was a fugitive and Eliot insisted that running errands was the least they could do to help reimburse them for the ride.

"Here we are," Mal announced after pulling up in front of a rickety house right outside the city they'd landed in.

"Hey, Mal," a black man with a warm smile and a stocky build greeted. "What brings you here?"

"Hey yourself, Lazaro. Listen, I wish this were a social visit but I need to ask you something."

"Ask away, friend."

"Last time I was here, I left you something, do you remember?"

Lazaro raised his eyebrows and licked his lips, "I remember, why?"

_This isn't good_, Nate thought.

"Well this man," the captain gestured to the hitter, "owns said property and came around looking to reclaim it."

"Well you see-"

"Save your breath," Nate snapped, "just tell us where it is."

The man licked his lips again, "I sold it to this man, Jorden Stacks. He sells hover cars to rich kids on Sihnon. Some kind of a collector, you know?"

Eliot took an intimidating step forward, "And why did that happen?"

Lazaro looked to Mal for support but only saw the same cold look on the hitter's face. "Listen, I-I needed cash and I heard Niska was looking for you, plus this guy had some friends, scary friends."

"Mind being a little more specific on that point?" demanded the captain.

"He's friends with Aden Yang, okay? I thought maybe if I give this guy what he wants, I won't get arrested, or worse."

The four of them turned and walked back to the mule.

Zoe sighed, "So what now? We got them to Hera like we promised and we don't have time to go on a treasure hunt or get wrapped into Yang's business."

"Yeah, Zoe, I know but we can't just kick them to the curb."

"Just 'cause he's a friend don't mean we can lug them from planet to planet."

"I'm still thinking, Zoe, still thinking."


	8. Common Ground

**I will finish this story even if it kills me.**

"Okay you guys there's a lot going on so let's cut the _gǒushǐ_ shall we?" sighed Mal as he entered the crowded dining area.

Both the Leverage team and Mal's crew were sitting on either ends of the long dining table and standing anxiously in corners. Mal took his place at the front of the room with Zoe standing a few feet off to one side and the hitter on the other.

"So," the captain continued, "we didn't find what these guys needed on Hera. Lazaro sold it to a rich guy on Sihnon and, he's in bed with Aden Yang."

Immediately annoyed and angry voices rang out but were quickly silenced by the combined, harsh stares of Mal, Zoe, and Eliot.

"I promised Eliot I'd take him and his friends to Hera and we did but now these guys don't have a way to get home. But we also can't be runnin' round the 'verse getting mixed up in Yang's business. So," he glanced at his second in command then at his old friend, he hadn't informed either of them of his decision. "I aim to take them back to Persephone. They can find some work, do some stabilizing but truth is, we got enough on our plate as it is." He turned to the red-faced hitter. "Now maybe, when we're in a better place, we can do some scheming to get you back home but me and my crew have a need of food and my ship's needn' some parts herself," Kalyee snorted, "and you can't do that without money."

Tension fell over the Leverage crew. Jayne smirked.

"Captain, if I may?" Nate spoke after a few moments.

"What?" Mal straightened, taking a liking to the "captain" bit.

"I think I have a business proposition that will satisfy both of our parties."

All eyes turned to the mastermind. Everyone, including Mal, was curious as to what he could be talking about.

"What exactly are you going on about?"

"From what I gather, these 'jobs' that you and you crew pull aren't entirely legal."

"Damn straight," called Jayne. The captain shot him a look.

"Well, we also operate on the different side of the law, sometimes. We operate in a morally gray area." Nate paused, he could tell he was losing Mal's interest with his speech. He cleared his throat, "We're thieves, con men, grifters, swindlers, whatever you want to call us. Look, the point is the guy that has what we need is also rich, correct? Well, how about we pool our resources? Run a scam on this guy. We get rich, we get home, everyone's happy."

"It's true," interjected Parker, "we're the best."

The hacker chimed in, "We do have the skills to pay the bills."

The captain crossed his arms, "No offense to you, Eliot, but I got no way of known' you are what you say or if you're as good as you say you are." Mal looked confused when Nate gave a nod to his crew.

Parker stood up and walked to the front of the room. She then began to pull objects out of her pockets and lay them on the table. Inara clutched her bare throat when the thief laid her ruby necklace on the table, Jayne scowled when he saw his knife was removed from its sheath, Kaylee checked her empty pockets when a she saw the handful of spare nuts and bolts, and Mal chuckled when he realized his gun was no longer in his holster.

Then Sophie joined the thief and began to demonstrate her skill. She recited all the information she was able to glean from her fellow shipmates over the past few days. The grifter said she knew Simon and River were on the run (probably from someone much worse than the average authorities), Jayne grew up with a number of siblings, and Zoe was offended when Wash questioned her about her relationship with Eliot (after the awkward incident in the cockpit). Then she turned on the captain. "I could also tell you who you and each of your crewmates are attracted to or are you satisfied?"

Everyone except Zoe, Wash, and River shifted uncomfortably in their seats at that statement. "I think you've proved yourself plenty," the captain gave a nervous grin.

"Check this out," Hardison said, calling the attention of the crew. He pulled what looked like a tangle of wires connected to a metallic box the size of an electric outlet out of his pocket. When he connected two particular wires, a catchy song in Chinese played over the intercom.

"Hey, I love this song," Wash announced before he started quietly singing along. His wife sent him a look of annoyance but he continued to sing until the hacker disconnected the wires and placed the device back in his pocket.

"If I had more time, I could do a lot more," Hardison added.

The captain nodded with grudging respect. He was still annoyed the scrawny man probably had the skill set to hijack his ship.

"You already know what I can do, Mal," the hitter said evenly.

There was a pause as the captain's crew absorbed the information. It was slightly unsettling to learn that their guests were hiding such skill sets.

"How 'bout you?" Jayne sneered as he turned to Nate. "Do you have a talent besides making booze disappear?"

Mal glared at the man's comment but the mastermind only stared with deliberate coolness. "My 'talent' is using people. I took these people and their skills and turned them into a weapon. By themselves, they're impressive but together, with me, we take down countries."

Jayne slumped back in his seat with his arms crossed, trying to look as brooding as possible although he found himself intimidated with Nate's demeanor.

Mal shook his head and chuckled, "Y'know, Nate, we just might have some common ground after all."

Translation(s)

_Gǒushǐ_ = shit


End file.
